Heat sesame oil in a wok over medium heat until it shimmers like your highlighter.
Toss in sliced onion, stir until soft and smelling like decisions you won’t regret.
Add garlic and ginger. Sauté until your kitchen smells like a takeout fantasy.
Throw in vegan beef strips. Cook for 5 minutes until browned and slightly crispy.
Add cabbage and carrot. Stir like you mean it—don’t let it go limp.
Pour in soy sauce, vinegar, hoisin, and maple syrup. Mix like you're on a cooking show.
Season with chili flakes, salt, and pepper. Taste it. Add more sass if needed.
Cook for 3 more minutes. We want tender veggies, not vegetable soup.
Turn off the heat. Garnish with spring onions and sesame seeds. Strike a pose.
Serve hot. Tell your guests it took hours. You deserve the applause.